So I’m in the shower this morning when my lovely 7-year-old Son #3 strolls into the bathroom to do his business. No, I don’t get any privacy. He’s singing something. I can hear it over the water running, but can’t make it out. Right before he hollers, “I won’t flush, Mom, so it won’t burn you!” (thanks for your consideration, kiddo) I finally make it out:
I’ll dig my key into the side of his pretty little souped-up 4-wheel drive…
Oh. My. God. My kid is singing Carrie Underwood songs.
At least they’re not showtunes.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
I have to admit I like that song. The beat and the melody, not necessarily the words. Especially not if my kid starts singing them. And understanding them. So the next time I tick him off, he’s going to key my car because the song told him to do it? After all, they’ve blamed rock and roll (and acid metal) for everything from premarital sex to suicide, so why not a little afternoon’s light vandalism?
I love the line, by the way, that goes something like this:
The next time he cheats, it won’t be on me.
Can I just say, “Well, DUH!” Picture this guy, as slimy as he may be, coming out of the bar with his flavor of the day finding his car keyed and torn apart. With his girlfriend’s name carved into the seats, no less, so there’s no doubt that this is no random act of stupidity. What’s he going to do? Apologize? Heck no! He’s gonna call the cops and have this psychotic bitch put away, that’s what he’s going to do!
At 35 I get that. At 7– well, this may be a conversation I need to have with Son #3.
Singing show tunes, by the way, will be inevitable. I have Guys and Dolls in the CD player in the van right now. The poor kid doesn’t stand a chance.
On another note, I have been very remiss in not mentioning my buddy’s new podcast Will Write for Wine. These two ladies sit around drinking some yummy wine and talk writing. Last week they tried drinking games. In their mid-thirties. It was hilarious.
This week, they are doing an improv session, and yours truly is in charge of setting up the elements they will use to do their improv. So if you have suggestions, toddle on over there and let me know! I’ll be picking later today, so don’t delay!
And I swear, I will be updating links soon!