Events lately in my personal life have led me on a long trip down memory lane. A lot of stuff long ago forgotten has come to mind – some good, some not so good. And I’ve come to one conclusion – everybody has regrets. Things we wish we did differently. Tiny flutters from the wings of a butterfly that may not change the world, but can change the course of a person’s life.And there comes a time to stop beating ourselves up about our mistakes and let go. Otherwise, we can’t move on.
When I was first writing Another Time Around, this was one of the themes I wanted to incorporate. Looking back and wondering how things would have changed if a few words were left unspoken, or a single gesture wasn’t made. Brin has a lot of regrets, and blames herself for Max’s death. She can’t forgive herself enough to move on – to give David a chance. Not because of David, though she tries to convince herself she’s suspicious of him. No, it’s because she can’t trust herself not to make the same horrible mistake again.
So what pulls her out of suspended animation? What is the one point she lets go and lets herself love again?
Good damned question. I’m in revision hell on this book right now, trying to get to that “a-ha” moment when Brin lets go and lets herself live again. And I’ve given myself a migraine doing it.
I guess there’s a writing lesson in this, too. Knowing when there’s a time to close the program and give your brain time to reset and find the solution to the problem. Because just like Brin can’t magically flip a switch and let herself love again, I can’t magially push buttons and fix a chapter.
So off to bed with me. The solution will come to me. I just have to let go.